Reality

Slowly, I am accepting the reality.
It's hard but I am trying, really I am trying even though it is hard.
Reality is never there to please you.
Reality is something you have to accept, like medicine. You got to eat it even though it does not taste nice.
Stopping myself from doing what I shouldn't really needs a lot of effort and courage as well.
What is even worse, I am going through all of this alone.
Fighting the unseen and the invisible.

The end of the fourth semester

I do believe when people say that life is hard. It is hard, really really hard.

Our examination for this semester has just ended yesterday. I'm not that happy though with my performance. I know I didn't do well, especially for my major papers. For the first two papers, at least I know what I was doing but after that, when I sat for my grammar paper especially, I felt nothing. I was discouraged, hopeless, tired and I was thinking a lot.

I felt so distracted. Maybe I made a wrong choice by going back home during the All souls' day. What happened back at home really distracted me. However, everything was done. I just pray everything will be okay. What I can do now is to leave everything to god. I hope that everyone can pass all the papers for this semester. Please God, please listen to our prayers.

Recently, I have this hard feeling towards my own friend. I hope I can forget it for the sake of our friendship. God, give me the courage to do it. I really hope I can forget it. I know that me myself is not good either.

This might be my last entry for this year. I might not have the opportunity to write later during holiday. Happy Holidays my fellow teslians, we deserve it and Merry Christmas everyone. May this joyful celebration brings happiness to everyone.

Till then...

A friend who hurts her own friend

"Please do self-reflection before you do remarks on others! Kata orang, "Paku dulang paku serpih, mengata orang dia yang lebih". Even your best friend will be your enemy if you still have this kind of attitude."

This is my post dedicated to my own friend. She used to be my best friend, my closest friend. Let me emphasize, she used to.

Now, it seems like she is making a gap between us.

I was hurt by her once when she didn't even remember my birthday. Forget the part that she didn't even wish, that is still fine. But when we came back to campus, she didn't even look like she cares.

Yah, I realise one thing about you my dear friend, you never care about other people, not even your own friend.

You only care about yourself. Through my eyes, I see that you are selfish. You bullied your closest friend, you dumped all the works to her, I saw that my dear friend, I saw it with my own eyes. You are heartless.

People say that you are cruel, you always give harsh remarks. Before this, I just kept quiet because I have nothing to say, you never gave me any remarks, YET.

Today, this morning, you have hurt me. Your remarks are so harsh and it is so painful. You said "you withdraw first, then pay her, she will be ok". Seriously, that is how you value me.

I know I am so particular about my money. Because it is my money. I earn it myself, I save it myself. If you borrow, of course you would have to pay back. Pandai pinjam pandai lah bayar balik. I am not rich, I value money because I see how hard my parents earn money. Do you? But when it comes to sending my friend, let me emphasize, I NEVER ASK YOU TO PAY MY PETROL!! NEVER!! I am sincere when I send you here and there. I know, sometimes I am cold, quiet, that is because I am like that. When I have nothing to say, I shut off my mouth. Plus I have to focus on the road. Sometimes I hesitate to go out, that's because I also need rest. I am a sleepyhead, if I do not get my sleep, my mood will change. My close friends know that. But if you need helps, of course I will help no matter what.

Dear friend, you give remarks on others but you yourself, you are even worst. Eat also you count. Seriously I was shocked when I saw this. I never see people count each and every meat on their plates. That is too much! Yah, we do complaint if the food is expensive, not worth for the money we spent on it. But counting the meats, too much okay!! Yet, you still give remarks on others. This is just about the remarks you gave me, belum lagi remarks you gave to others.

Sedarlah wahai kawan. Now, I can see your true colours. You look like angel from outside but inside, you are so dark, full of darkness.

Looks can be very deceiving! 

XOXO, 

Love by Michelle.

Just saying

Family problem is not a reason for you to be insensitive of others or to be selfish.
Everyone has their own problem, you should not make that as an excuse for you to be insensitive or selfish.

Be strong

God, please help my mom to be strong in facing all this. I feel bad because I am not there with her now. At least she can talk to me. At least a woman understands a woman better. I don't understand why you put us into this kind of situation but I know there is a reason behind all these things. I just hope my mom can be strong. Ignore what others might say, please be strong. After all, only us know how our lives are! Right?

I wish I was at home now.

Thanks Madam

I know you would not see this, but I just want to thank you. You are so kind and nice to us.

This morning, we (Me, Miley and Yen) went out for breakfast with Madam Ras. She treated us because we helped her during the PSV workshop at Sekolah Kebangsaan Dato Traoh Muara Tuang, Samarahan. She really desperate that day. We also tired. We actually didn't want to go (we didn't have enough sleep the night before) but looking at her eyes, the hope that she has on us, we volunteered ourselves. Actually she wanted 4 person to help her but no one wanted to help (I expected all babydolls to help but end up only 3 wanted to help). I understand also, on the same day, we had to hand in our EDU assignment. So everyone wanted to rest because of the sleepless night we had before that. Thanks Yen and Miley for willing to come. After that, she promised that she will treat us eat but I thought she had forgotten it. We didn't mind also but she still remembers her promise. I know God is fair. Every good thing we do will be paid either directly or indirectly. With us realising it or without us realising it, he will pay back. Same goes to every bad thing we do. Right?

So this morning she brought us to Coffee O Corner. We have never been there before. It is a nice place to eat, many choices of cuisine. Thumbs up!

Okay, I shall stop now. Have to study, my exam is starting tomorrow. May God bless all of us, especially those that really study hard and yet never being selfish. 

Happy Sunday everyone.

Till then...
 

It changes!

Still remember my previous post on The First 3 words you see are what you want in life.
Mine has changed!!
Previously, it was "Love, Money and Experience".

When I went through all my entries just now, I accidentally saw the post. And the words that I just saw were "Love, Time and Honesty".

I guess these are the things that I want at this moment.
I always want love. Love could be love from your parents, love from your siblings, love from your friends. Love also could be love from that someone special.
As for me, I don't want to not have love in my life. Thanks God for keep giving me Love. I have love from my family and friends. I feel loved by them. Really really loved. I could not imagine my life without their love. This kind of love that I always want and thanks God for providing me with it.

As for Time, YES, I need it and I want it now. My exam is starting soon, real soon, next Monday and I NEED TIME!!! haha, procrastinate lagi Michelle. Nah, rasakan. Cubala study awal2, always tidak learn your lesson. -.-

Lastly, I want honesty. I value honesty these days. Honesty in friendship and in all kinds of relationship. As for me, the only relationship I have now is friendship and I am grateful that so far, honesty is what we have. I know, sometimes honesty can be too hurtful, painful but it will be more painful if you know that the person you trust the most are not being honest with you, Right?? ^^,

I guess I will stop now.


Till then my dear..

Serikin Trip

For those who want to go to Serikin but don't know how to go there (the route all), let me enlighten you.

1. There are two ways. One way is from Batu Kitang, 7th Mile. For me, this route is easier. 

2. You just turn left at the four junction at 7th mile (heading to Batu Kitang).  

3. Then you drive straight along the road till you reach a junction. At this junction, if you turn left, you will be heading to Bau, turn right and you will be heading to Lundu but in order to go to Serikin, you just have to move straight, choose the junction in front of you.

4. Drive in for about 20-30 minutes. Then you will reach Serikin.

1. The second route is when you are coming from Batu Kawa Newtownship (same way to go to Lundu).

2. From Batu Kawa road, you drive till you meet a junction, T-junction. Turn right and you are heading to Lundu but in order to go to Serikin, you would have to turn left.

3. Drive again till you reach a traffic light with a sign board that shows that you have to turn right in order to go to Serikin.

4. Drive in for about 20-30 minutes. Then you will reach Serikin.

It is so easy. You will never get lost.

The night before we went, we were so worried as none of us knows the way to Serikin. Actually, our lecturer from Terengganu (Madam Ras) asked our help to show her the way as this was her first time going there. Luckily we asked BM people (thanks Faustina for helping us).

Friendly Reminder: Please bring your umbrella or hat to protect you from sun. It is really hot there. You don't want to get headache at the end of the day later right. And bring your sunglasses too, it helps you to overcome your dizziness. A bottle of mineral or plain water will keep you hydrated. (Michelle, been there done that)

Actually it was five of us, including Chang but he's the one took our photos. Thats why don't have his picture..

Till then...

Malam Muzikal 2012

It is an annual event at our IPG. This year it was great. I enjoyed all the performances especially the one performed by the Sekolah Seni kuching. I was sooo impressed. It was terrific!! Not to forget other performances by my fellow teacher trainess. It was awesome. One of professional dancers is actually my classmate, she danced gracefully and looked very beautiful on those traditional costumes. I wish I have the talent to dance like her..huhu
That night, me and my fellow classmates were asked to become ushers. In my opinion, it was a good experience compared to when we became ushers during the 2009 Malam Muzikal. (I really have no idea why us again)haha..

Anyway, Datuk Patinggi Alfred Jabu talked to us and I have the chance to shake hand with him. It was an honour for me since I am a sarawakian. He holds the high position in the Sarawak administration.

I was so happy also because I got the chance to take picture with my seniors.. ;P

Yen, May and me

Me and my classmates with our super senior, Abang Azizi

Me with my fellow classmates

In conclusion, I was so happy that night. I got to see many people (because I was working at the main door) and I also got to scold people (please clear up the land/tolong beri laluan)..hahaha.. ^^,

Down Memory Lane 

Malam Muzikal 2009

Aww, we all looked so young and innocent..haha

The First

You're the first to open my heart and you're the first to break it,
You're the first to make me say "I miss you" and you're the first to hurt my feeling,
And you know, you're the first to my everything...

It is so hard, so difficult for me to let you go...
Even now, I couldn't laugh happily because I'm still thinking of you
Before I sleep, it's you I think of
When I wake up, it's you on my mind

But now, I can only sincerely pray for your happiness..
I don't know when can I say Goodbye
I wish I can forget you
Like what I did to any men that I liked before
But I just couldn't
I wish I can, seriously I wish I can...

TVD fever!

The new episode of The Vampire Diaries for season 4 has just come out!
It was awesome. For the whole 42 minutes it was playing, you just could not move your eyes of it. You will feel that your heart stopped beating for more than once. Your adrenaline increased and your anxiety also increased.

Elena was dead but because of the vampire blood that runs in her body system, she got the chance to be alive. But she has to be a vampire in order to continue her life. Would she rather die or be a vampire (creature that she hates the most)??

Grab the latest episode of TVD if you want to know more!! It worth it.. ^^,

Education Blueprint (2013-2025)

For more details, you can refer to this Blueprint.
A little bit of information related to teacher trainess:

"Meningkatkan standard kemasukan bagi guru pelatih dan ambilan guru baharu
Kementerian akan mengetatkan proses pemilihan ambilan guru ke
IPG dengan memilih calon guru pelatih daripada kumpulan 30%
teratas bagi setiap kohort yang tamat persekolahan. Kementerian
bercadang mengecilkan saiz ambilan guru sekiranya bilangan calon yang
berkelayakan pada sesuatu tahun berkurangan; seterusnya, bekerjasama
dengan IPTA untuk menetapkan standard kemasukan yang setara bagi
program latihan perguruan.

Kementerian juga akan menetapkan standard yang lebih ketat untuk
bergraduat daripada latihan perguruan dan seterusnya diambil bertugas
sebagai guru permulaan bawah Kementerian. Pada masa hadapan,
guru permulaan akan dipilih hanya apabila mereka dapat menguasai
kompetensi minimum yang mereka perolehi melalui praktikum dan kerja
kursus semasa latihan perguruan. Syarat ini adalah untuk memastikan
hanya guru yang terbaik dan paling layak menyertai sistem. Walau
bagaimanapun, guru pelatih sedia ada di IPG dan di IPTA pada masa kini
tidak terikat dengan dasar baru ini." (Bab 5-9, 5-10)

Listening to Radio online

If you want to listen to radio online, I would like to recommend you this website:
Radio online

Now, you are able to listen to your favourite radio station whenever and wherever you are provided that you  are connected to the internet.

Enjoy your day people! ^^,

My life at this moment

First, we have just been told that there is no more job security for teacher trainees like us. So, I really have to pull up my socks (as what our lecturers have always said) and pray that everything would be okay for me later on. Most people still do not know about this. People always thought that we (trainees from the teachers' training college) are so lucky. They thought that we would have the guaranteed job but it is all wrong. The selection later on would be based on our academic performance (pointer above 3.0) and also the interview.
Second, I am worried about my degree. It has not been certified yet. The MQA will come during our final year to check whether we (TESL) are qualified enough to be given the degree. So there is a possibility of us studying for 5 and a half years and get nothing. Hopefully, we will manage to satisfy the panelists from MQA (fingers crossed).
Third, I am still could not get rid of some bad feelings. The feelings of jealousy, envious, sad, heartbroken, prejudice etc. O God, please help me to forget these feelings. It makes me a bad girl. I don't want to be a bad girl.
Fourth, I am worried about my family. My brothers as well as my parents. I pray and will always be praying that you come into their life and shine the darkness in their heart. Let them live the good life and practise the life of a good christian. On top of all, I pray that you open my father's heart so that he will join us all as a catholic.
Lastly, I am still waiting for my tall, dark and handsome man..hehe, influenced by the novels that I read. I did meet some good men before but there are just not for me. Maybe I am not good enough to be paired with them. Maybe I don't deserve good man. But I am changing now and I believe that God will meet me with someone who is good once I am ready.

Best friends or Soulmates?

Cecelia Ahern is her name. I am falling in love with her writing! After P.S. I love you, I continue to read this book named Where Rainbows End which is also written by her. Can you believe that I actually read this book for less than a week. Quite a good achievement for me. *wink..wink (Reading has become my hobby recently as I have no one to text, the internet connection is very slow and no more assignments. Quite a relieve actually. Finally I can take a deep breath, lie down and read and also sleeps early..haha).

Actually, the story line is very interesting. It is about a couple of best friends (Rosie and Alex) who has known each other since they were 5-year-old. It is very unusual for a boy to have a best friend who is the opposite sex of him. But together they made a great friends. They even fell in love with each other.
But this is not a typical romantic love story. They have a very pure relationship. Both could not live without each other. There were many major conflicts that happened in their live. When Alex knew that he loves Rosie, he wanted to tell her but knowing that Rosie wanted to accept her husband back (her husband cheated on her), he backed off. I was a bit emotional when I read this part (geram betul-betul). But then, he decided to do this because he did not want to be selfish(which is GOOD). Rosie also did not want to break Alex's marriage. Even after she knows that Alex loves her, she decided to keep quiet and backed off. Only after they are 50 years old that they can be together. It is purely true love I can say. (He tried with other women, he married twice but both his marriages did not work. His heart is for her, only her.) I believe that when our love is pure and honest,  God will give us chance to be together. You might be separated but he will unite you at the end later. That's the power of love. Now I believe in true love and I shall leave everything to God.

Other aspect that makes this book interesting is the way the writer present her story. It is written in the forms of letters, e-mails, postcards as well as wishing cards. It is very simple yet unique and interesting. For a not-so-advanced reader like me, I love it. Some might say it is not challenging, the language is simple but for me, most importantly is the message is being conveyed to the reader. I still could not read books written by Nicholas Spark or Jodi Picoult. I know their books are awesome and they are bestselling authors but their books are just not my type. I will look for more books written by Cecelia Ahern!

Say YES to Reading people! ^^,

*After this, I will stop reading books for a while as my exam is just around the corner. Need to read notes now. I hope I can do better this semester, cross your fingers for me.. Thanks.

I will...

A man with strong faith is the one that will lead his family to the correct path.
I pray that Abba Father will hear my prayer.
I hope I will meet the right one, the one that will accept all my flaws.
Amen.

The Kiss by the babydolls

This is our first product for the subject, Literature in English which also known as big L.. ^^,
This is our first product as a babydolls.

These pictures reminded me of us when we were still in foundation years. All of us looked so different..haha.
See how we have grown up!

The End

The End!!
Finally, I have finished reading this novel, P.S. I Love You by Cecelia Ahern. It took me almost a semester to finish reading this novel. With maktab activities and assignments that came one after another, I didn't really have time to sit and read this novel.
This is a lovey dovey novel but not really my type (not so romantic). However I found it interesting and well, when I read how Holly went through her life without her husband, it gave me some kind of motivation. Yes, it's hard to let go of someone that you really love, either your family, friends or your partner, but we have to move on. It's not easy, but with friends and family that keep on supporting us, we will make it through. In this kind of situation, we would also be able to see who are our real friends and who are just friends by name only.
But the ending is not what I expected. I thought Holly will go with Daniel. He was always there for her, became her companion in every event they went to. They even have things in common, like losing someone that they really love except for Daniel was left by his gf who cheated on him. Yes, Daniel confessed to Holly but at that time, Holly was not ready to open her heart or to start a new relationship. A month after that, when Holly still didn't give any response, Daniel went back to his hometown. There he met his ex and decided to return back to her. I was like what??? I thought he really loves Holly and willing to wait for her. But his feeling towards Holly was not strong enough. He lost! Honestly, I was hoping his ex which is now his gf, will leave him again! After being cheated, he still wants to accept her back. #sigh. They are 2 opposite people with opposite characteristics but he still loves her. Maybe it's true, You will fall for someone who is different from you, who is the opposite of who you are. Maybe...
Men are really unpredictable.

My point of view

Sorry that I have to blog this out. Sometimes, it's better to express something by writing it down than speaking it out.
First of all, sorry if what we did hurt you. I really don't know that you wanted to take pre-babydolls-photo shoot. If I were to know about it, I will wait till Chang finishes taking everyone's photos. The reason why I went to the stall earlier is not because I hate sun, but more to because I see nothing that I can do there (photo shoot location). We called you to join us to go to the stall but you asked us to go first. So I thought you wanted to take photo with May. Didn't know that you wanted to take photos together with us.
Next, when we were about to go, we didn't call you at first. We saw you taking photos with Zyarfan, so we thought of giving you chance. Plus, we can wait (seriously and honestly we wanted to wait, we don't mind). So, me and Miley went to the car first to wait there (this is where wan told you that we wanted to leave you when in actual fact, we were just waiting in the car). Suddenly, it got darker and windy. It's sign of raining. Then, we called you. Mas called you, everyone was panic because our cloth were still drying outside. Then the awkward moment came.

#Sorry for the names mentioned above.
#This is from my point of view. I wrote this not to justify myself but rather to clear things out. It's not good to leave things unsaid. Even if it's just a small matter, I still believe that both side need to know what actually happened.
#Both parties are being insensitive of each other's situation. There is no one to blame. Nobody is wrong, it's just we need to understand each other's situation.

Quoted from gossip girl: "There are two sides to every story"

Thank you.

Wondering

My curiosity level is so high and always be...
I am always wondering and will keep on wondering...
Have you ever loved me?
You know, it is so hard to predict people's feeling, especially human being. We don't know what lies inside them. We don't know if they hate us, love us, envy of us, or even when they angry at us.
We don't know!
We can only know if that someone tells/shows his/her feeling. Yes, one of it is through their actions.
But again, human being is so weird. Some love to hide their feelings. How are we supposed to know then?
The answer is...
We will never know..haha

Living in uncertainty is what certain in our life peeps.

Upset

Liverpool lost the game. Manchester United won. Liv scored 1 goal whereas Man u scored 2. I'm quite upset. The referee was bias. Where is the spirit of football? The game supposed to be fair and square. But instead the opposite happened. Well, this is what happen in real world. #sigh

Satisfaction

Finally, I got the time to really sit and update my blog. The entry for today is called satisfaction. There are so many things that I wanted to share. First, let's us see the list of the things that I should do. Some I already done, some haven't started at all. There are so many things listed and each comes one after another. Everything started on the 13 of september. It's not that we didn't have work to do before that. There were some tasks we did, it's just that it did not come right after the other just finished.

Here's the list:
1. PBS at Sk Jalan Arang (13-15 september). 
Supposedly it have to be 5 days, but on the 16 and 17, the school was holidays. At first, we called it heaven, holidays what. After we came back to campus, we were shock because we NEED TO REPLACE THAT 2 DAYS!
2. Teaching of grammar assignment: Reflection for microteaching and PBS report. 
This was hell. We were asked to hand it in during holiday. WHAT? I know right. But, because of her being too pushy, we no need to worry about the assignment for grammar anymore. Everything is done. Yay!!
3. BIG (27-30 of august)
4. Unit beruniform camp (3-6 of september)
It was tiring, lots of things happened, storm, lightning, torture, sunburn. But it was fun and something we will remember later. Experience.
5. PBS report (7/9)
6. BIG report (10/9)
7. Storytelling (11/9) 
I thought it would be on the 11th but we had to stop before my turn. I did it on the 14th. Can u imagine the pressure that I felt because I had to worry about it for 3 days. Luckily I've done it. Not the best in the class but the BEST out of me. My first time conducting a storytelling session.
8. Lesson Plan for teaching writing (14/9)
9. EDU summary for 3 journals and a reflection (14/9)
10. My artwork (individual and group work) (17/9)
I started it on the 15th till 17th. Lots of pressure, tension, stress throughout these 3 days. Lack of sleep, cannot go back home, emotionally distracted (I saw that-somebody-that-i-used-to-know at maktab, why la). The individual has been put up yesterday. The group one just completed this morning at 3.30 am. Slept for few hours only. Effect: Wake up late this morning. Anyway, I am so happy looking at my artwork, both the individual and the group one. For the group one, thanks to my other group member, everyone contributed. Everyone stayed up till morning.
11. Reflection for the storytelling. (18/9)
History! I did it on the day I have to hand it in because we had to finish the group work last night. I did 1000 plus words for about 1 hour. Epic! Never did this before, would not attempt to do it again. Really don't have time to do it during weekend. All because of Seni..huhu
12. TKRS portfolio (19/9)
13. Individual and group portfolio for PSV.
EDU lesson plan. Both on the 20th.
14. Ujian akhir kursus. (25/9)
15. Microteaching for teaching writing. (26/9)
16. Reflection (a week after the microteaching)

I wrote all these not to show off to people about what I did. I wrote this so that when I read it later, I'll smile and tell myself, "didn't know that I'm that strong".

My friend said something this morning. I cannot recall the exact words she said but what I remember is GOD gives His hardest battles to His strongest soldiers. 

Well, picture speaks thousands  of words. Let's see: