Utterly sad and disappointed

Dear diary, I give up. I feel so tired. Maybe, I'm not born to be an educator. Maybe, I can't teach at all. I've been looking at this white envelope since this afternoon. Inside is my mark for this final practicum. I didn't open it but I have a bad feeling about it. I've done my best. I do my lesson plans everyday and I know my responsibility towards my students. I also prepared my lesson plans earlier, few days before my observation so that my lec can have a look at it and corrected it for me. But I feel like my efforts are not being appreciated. There was once, I prepared my lesson plan in pain. I had my period and it was so bad but I bore the pain coz I wanted to do my best for my observation. I feel that life is so unfair. Some people don't even have to work hard, or even prepare their lesson plan carefully. But they are truly blessed. They have good and considerate lec. Mine? I think I'm not good enough for her. I did my final observation 2 weeks before the March holidays. She wanted it to be done asap coz she needs to observe the juniors. But was it fair for me?? This is my final observation. Isn't it more important? I didn't have enough interactions with my students. I was observed during the second months of my practicum. Sigh..

Unlucky me.. But what can I do? It's true; life isn't just sweets and chocolates. Sometimes, we need to eat something bitter too. I just feel bad and sad coz I did all these things for my parents. I want them to be proud of me. I guess this time, I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm sorry..